I feel like any movie I watch with a glass of red wine is a movie where I will end up crying.
xxx
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Happy/Disappointed
Happy because I had a really lovely dream.
Disappointed because I woke up.
I had a dream that I was eighteen and could just go out and travel. I went to England first, revisiting London and wondering if I should get an apartment there or not. I took the train to France with my good friend Bonnie Wright (in dreamland of course, sigh) and we just took a random train to a random city because life is more exciting that way. Also exciting is that I spoke french through this section of the dream, I've never had a dream in french before. We ended up in France's Disney Land, and I walked in and took pictures and everything seemed to be bouncing. Odd, isn't it? I flew down to the Caribbean where I stayed with my friends Rose Gladys Jack Jacob Charlotte and Nick, sorry anyone else not included. It was basically like staying at Azusa, if any of you knows what that means. I returned to Europe knowing well that money wasn't a problem, I could go anywhere at all and be happy.
Then I woke up. And I feel so disappointed because I would like to unleash myself in Europe with Bonnie Wright and, for once, get out of my familiar bubble and live. Then again that's not too far away, is it? I think that maybe I've been holding myself back. Waking myself up from dream, I believe that I could do these things (with a little chance meeting with Bonnie of course) in reality. Maybe not word for word but going back to England, taking the underground to France, maybe even visiting Poland. It's time, I believe, I stop telling myself no no no, and if not yes, compromise with a maybe.
xxx
Disappointed because I woke up.
I had a dream that I was eighteen and could just go out and travel. I went to England first, revisiting London and wondering if I should get an apartment there or not. I took the train to France with my good friend Bonnie Wright (in dreamland of course, sigh) and we just took a random train to a random city because life is more exciting that way. Also exciting is that I spoke french through this section of the dream, I've never had a dream in french before. We ended up in France's Disney Land, and I walked in and took pictures and everything seemed to be bouncing. Odd, isn't it? I flew down to the Caribbean where I stayed with my friends Rose Gladys Jack Jacob Charlotte and Nick, sorry anyone else not included. It was basically like staying at Azusa, if any of you knows what that means. I returned to Europe knowing well that money wasn't a problem, I could go anywhere at all and be happy.
Then I woke up. And I feel so disappointed because I would like to unleash myself in Europe with Bonnie Wright and, for once, get out of my familiar bubble and live. Then again that's not too far away, is it? I think that maybe I've been holding myself back. Waking myself up from dream, I believe that I could do these things (with a little chance meeting with Bonnie of course) in reality. Maybe not word for word but going back to England, taking the underground to France, maybe even visiting Poland. It's time, I believe, I stop telling myself no no no, and if not yes, compromise with a maybe.
xxx
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Sad
Yes, I'm sad. What a moving introduction to my blog. Ew, I have a blog.
I find it phenomenally ridiculous that people aren't allowed to have bad days. How thick can you be, turning to someone while you know they might be going through something and say that they have to power through? Ok, powering through is important, but for one tiny day can't someone sit down and address what they're feeling through words and body language and attitudes? I don't know why society expects those to perform their best when they are at their worst.
If Jean's grandmother just died, why is she expected to take the test that will determine whether or not she gets a solid B in geometry?
But that's just a small tangent as to what I'm sad about.
One of my friends is leaving for college in two days. I've already said goodbye in a way. I was falling asleep in the back of a car when he reached out to hug me. I didn't even realize that he was saying goodbye, I thought he left in a week, but no. That was it.
And I was annoyed.
I don't like hugs, I was trying to sleep and I was confused. He hugged me goodbye and I rolled with it, not knowing that I wouldn't see him in months. I found that out and texted him immediately, ensuring that he's return to us for vacations and such, but that didn't soften the blow.
Hi pal, if you're reading this. You can stop reading right here.
Or here.
Or you could keep going asshole, you never listen to me.
I was at a party last night and I cried. I do not cry very often, and when I do it lasts twenty seconds and I do not blubber because blubbering is unattractive. But sometimes I simply can't stop the tears from coming out of my eyeballs. I shed three tears and thought I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
This was at a party, a sixteen year old girl in a pretty dress crying because one of her friends is leaving her. It's not pretty. It's not good. And he would punch me in the face if he found out how upset I actually was which is why I told him to stop reading up there.
The truth is that I love him very much and hold great respect for him and I do not wish for that to stop anytime soon. Because while I was crying at the party I was remembering the good times and I saw them running away into my past and I found out that I was unsure if more were to come in the future. I've been told that every story comes to an end (which is very true) but do we even have control over such things? I don't think so, which gives me a little comfort but my beliefs don't necessarily match up with the world's ways.
I don't know what happens next, but I can't be bitter about that because no one knows what happens next. That's how life works, it's one surprise after another and I just need to hope and work and, yes, live through the bad days knowing that they will inevitably end.
xxx
I find it phenomenally ridiculous that people aren't allowed to have bad days. How thick can you be, turning to someone while you know they might be going through something and say that they have to power through? Ok, powering through is important, but for one tiny day can't someone sit down and address what they're feeling through words and body language and attitudes? I don't know why society expects those to perform their best when they are at their worst.
If Jean's grandmother just died, why is she expected to take the test that will determine whether or not she gets a solid B in geometry?
But that's just a small tangent as to what I'm sad about.
One of my friends is leaving for college in two days. I've already said goodbye in a way. I was falling asleep in the back of a car when he reached out to hug me. I didn't even realize that he was saying goodbye, I thought he left in a week, but no. That was it.
And I was annoyed.
I don't like hugs, I was trying to sleep and I was confused. He hugged me goodbye and I rolled with it, not knowing that I wouldn't see him in months. I found that out and texted him immediately, ensuring that he's return to us for vacations and such, but that didn't soften the blow.
Hi pal, if you're reading this. You can stop reading right here.
Or here.
Or you could keep going asshole, you never listen to me.
I was at a party last night and I cried. I do not cry very often, and when I do it lasts twenty seconds and I do not blubber because blubbering is unattractive. But sometimes I simply can't stop the tears from coming out of my eyeballs. I shed three tears and thought I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
This was at a party, a sixteen year old girl in a pretty dress crying because one of her friends is leaving her. It's not pretty. It's not good. And he would punch me in the face if he found out how upset I actually was which is why I told him to stop reading up there.
The truth is that I love him very much and hold great respect for him and I do not wish for that to stop anytime soon. Because while I was crying at the party I was remembering the good times and I saw them running away into my past and I found out that I was unsure if more were to come in the future. I've been told that every story comes to an end (which is very true) but do we even have control over such things? I don't think so, which gives me a little comfort but my beliefs don't necessarily match up with the world's ways.
I don't know what happens next, but I can't be bitter about that because no one knows what happens next. That's how life works, it's one surprise after another and I just need to hope and work and, yes, live through the bad days knowing that they will inevitably end.
xxx
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