Honest/Poetic

Apparently I get views! Shit! Go away!
Or maybe they're just all me.

A letter not to send.
I'm incredibly good at those, writing all the things I want to say or wish I could say down and locking them up into a college rules composition book where the pencil cannot fly up and away into the real world. Think I'm kidding? Break into my locker, you'll find it.
I do not understand why I am able to say things that normal people would bite their tongue through, such as "You don't deserve this" or "I don't like you." It's the things that should escape my mouth in verbal form but never do.
So I will put this out into the public, hopefully letting it be a step to the phone call awaiting me tonight.

I'm not upset for the reason you think I am.
It's because I know about twelfth night, I know about every false thing you've done so far and in a flash I saw it repeating again. I've fought so hard for you because I craved everything about you as a human, and to be honest I don't know why. You're neither a hero or a god.
Yes, I saw it coming forth again and I was dramatically upset. I saw the fort I have been trying to build break apart in front of me because you play guitar but you play heartstrings too, and mine you've proved to be fond of ripping out.
How can I be secure with this when it got off to such a false start? To me, it could fall apart at any moment because you have done nothing to secure it. You look at me and you say "every book must come to an end" which is less than comforting. It kills me.
And yes, I want this to continue but please know that I constantly ask myself why i should continue or bother or care.
My feelings were well overdue, and believe me that I didn't believe those words for a second. Not one. Which is why it hurt so very much.

Lucky for me they aren't going to read this. This is just a corner of my space, reaching out into technology beyond.
It's funny, how you can put something like your soul available to the entire world but no one sees it. xxx